The Ruler and his Assassin
by Yudesei
Summary: Takes place during The Stick of Truth as a 'behind the scenes' fanfic where Craig joins Clyde with the war between the humans and the elves going on at the school. Mostly friendship with a hint of romance. Rated T for language.


_**A/N; This is the very first fiction I've ever written in a first person's point of view, so please don't expect perfection.**_

* * *

I chuckled as I checked my new treasure - The Stick of Truth. It was the most powerful weapon in the world, giving its holder the power to control the universe. Now it was mine.

Taking the treasure from that fatass wasn't hard. He was too focused on the war against the elves that he didn't notice me sneaking into his kingdom. He probably hasn't even noticed that it's gone yet.

I bet he'd think it was Kyle who stole it. Kyle would probably think the opposite - that it was Cartman who took it. And Douchebag would have to choose which side to be on.

The thought of Douchebag made me grit my teeth.

Douchebag.

That guy had defeated me once. I wasn't gonna let him humiliate me again. I had become stronger and had a bigger army than both the humans and the elves combined. With the power of the Stick of Truth and the fighters I've gathered, there was no way even Douchebag would be able to beat me.

My gaze moved from the stick to the camera across the room. It was time to record a message to the kings. An invitation to my new fort where our last battle would take place. The battle where I'd win and have Cartman bow for me. I'd make him pay for banishing me from Kupa Keep.

Getting up from my throne, I walked over to the camera and pressed the record button. Clearing my throat, I started talking into the camera.

"Well, well. If it isn't the kings"

That didn't sound right. It wasn't mighty enough.

"Welcome to-! No…"

My second attempt wasn't any better. Coming up with a monologue was more difficult that I thought. How do the bad guys come up with their speeches in the movies?

I took a deep breath to relax. I just had to take it easy and the words would come by themselves. I held the stick in front of me to make sure they'd see it.

"Greetings humans and drow elves of Zaron!"

Yeah, that was the one.

I moved my hands behind my back to seem more like an 'I mean business' kind of person.

"While you have all been busy fighting amongst yourself, I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension!"

I started walking toward the dead cat on the floor. Why there was a dead cat on the floor? It was for my army of humans and animals being brought back from the dead. I didn't think it was possible to do that, but then I found that green sauce outside Taco Bell. Not really sure what the taco sauce was doing outside the building though.

Anyway, the taco sauce could make any human or animal come to back to life and bring me victory.

Pretty neat, right?

"I prayed for a way to destroy you all and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!"

It must've been a sign. Maybe it was mom? Maybe she wanted her son to win, so she sent me magic sauce from Taco Bell.

I put the stick away as I grab a spoon. Of course I had to demonstrate what the taco sauce could do.

"With what I have found, I shall raise an ARMY OF THE DEAD!"

I poured the taco sauce on the cat. It started twitching before getting up. The cat made some sort of gesture with its paw and said something in another language. It didn't sound like catish, but whatever.

I walked closer to the camera and put my cool crown on my head.

"I SHALL RAISE AN ENTIRE ARMY OF DARKNESS AND KILL THE EARTH!"

Okay, maybe not literally kill the Earth. I mean if I'd kill the Earth, there would be nothing for me to rule.

"So you see, FOOLS, I control the stick AND the future of the Earth"

"Clyde do you want a sandwich?"

Could my dad possibly have had a worse timing?

"Not right now dad. I'm making a ruler of darkness video"

Well, that was embarrassing. And I wasn't able to edit it out since the camera was connected to the laptop I hid in my locker at school. As soon they'd turn the laptop on, the video would start playing. Anyway, back to the video.

"Whoever controls the stick controls the universe. And my first deed is that I hereby denounce the humans and the elf kingdoms and strip BOTH kings of all their power! HAHAHAHA"

I laughed before I turned the camera off. They'd probably be shocked as hell to see my face. I imagined myself as the one and only king. Everyone would bow to me. Cartman. Kyle. Douchebag. _Everyone._

Wouldn't it be awesome if Cartman was my butler? He would have to say things like 'Yes, Sir' and 'How may I be of service, master?'. It would humiliate him.

I started laughing again at the thought of Cartman being my servant. Turning around to head back to my throne, I immediately stopped laughing when I saw someone standing there. It was Craig. He almost scared the shit out of me. How did he get in here without being noticed? Dumb question. He's a level 12 thief. Of course he _snuck_ in here. Had he been standing there the whole time while I was recording the video?

"Craig?"

No. He wasn't Craig. We were playing a game and needed to stay in character.

"I-I mean…Feldspar! I didn't expect you to be here. Weren't you with the king of Kupa Keep?"

Why would Craig ever come to my fortress? Sure, he lived right next to me, but he was on Cartman's side. My eyes widened. Could it be that Cartman sent Craig? Had I been outsmarted already?

Craig answered calmly "I followed them to school where the war between the humans and elves takes place. But I don't really care who wins, so I left. They should be done battling soon"

Leaving out of boredom sounds like something Craig would do. It's not the first time that has happened anyway.

"So why are you here?"

"I want to join"

I blinked when I heard his reply.

"What?"

Craig rolled his eyes at me.

"I came here because I want to join you" he clarified.

My heartbeat was starting to speed up from excitement. Having Craig on my team would be great. He was a high leveled thief. Normally I would agree without hesitating, but this time I had to be a bit more cautious. After all, he was Feldspar, not Craig. Cartman could've sent Craig and told him to say that. I needed to know if Craig really was my ally in this.

"How do I know I can trust you?"

He reached for something behind his back before holding it out of me. My eyes began to sparkle when I saw what he was holding.

Tacos.

I dashed over to him before wrapping my arms around him, careful not to ruin the taco.

"I knew I could count on you!"

I could feel Craig flinch from the sudden hug. It must've shocked him. But eventually, he hugged me back with one arm while holding the bag with tacos with his free hand.

Craig was actually softer than you'd think. I didn't mind hugging him. He would most likely push me away though. That's what he usually did when someone tried hugging him.

But he didn't push me away this time. Progress!

I let him go as I grab the paper bag from him. Dinner time had already passed and it was almost my bedtime, but who cares? It's never too late for a taco. Maybe two.

"This is gonna be so awesome! Me, the ruler of darkness, fighting side by side next to my chief assassin!" I said with a huge grin on my face as I started eating the taco.

"Assassin?"

I finished eating the taco before answering him.

"That's right!" I told him. "And as the holder of the Stick of Truth, I say you're now a level 14 assassin and immune to splash damage"

Craig nodded slightly "Sounds good to me"

I had everything I needed to be the ruler of darkness.

A giant fortress.

My own throne.

A crown I made myself.

And my best friend as my assassin.

What more could a guy in a RPG want?

There was only one thing left I didn't have; victory.

"Clyde, you have visitors!" my dad called from the house.

"They're here" I told Craig before I toss the empty paper bag aside and walk out on my balcony where I had perfect view of the entire street.

I could see my former "king" and the others coming out on the backyard. They looked like little ants from where I was standing.

"Come and get it losers!" I yelled at them before laughing.

They weren't gonna get it. They'd have to get passed my army and Craig before even getting to my throne room.

"You can't do that Clyde! You're lost in time and space!" Cartman yelled back at me.

"No I'm not!"

"Yeah you are, asshole!"

Wasn't Cartman listening when we went through the rules? I had the Stick, so I had control of the universe. I could do whatever I wanted. In fact, I could banish _him_ to time and space if I wanted to.

Well, if Cartman didn't get it himself, I would simply have to show him how powerful I was.

"Army of darkness! Defend the fortress!" I called out to my army.

All my soldiers stepped forward, including Craig, who was standing right next to me.

The fools' faces were priceless. They probably thought of me as a joke. Until now.

"Craig…? Craig you're on my side!"

Ah, he noticed Craig was with me now. I glanced at Craig and awaited his response.

"You don't have authority anymore. The keeper of the Stick said so"

Was that it? I mean, what Craig said was true, but…

I was kinda hoping that he would've changed side for _me_.

Sorry. That was selfish of me to have that thought.

"This can't be happening" Kyle spoke, obviously still in shock about what was going on.

"GODDAMMIT I HAVE FUCKING AUTHORITY!" Cartman yelled.

I grinned. Watching Cartman freak out was funny.

"Sorry warriors and wizards. I'd love to invite you in to my fortress of darkness, but I'm afraid you're too late"

"Too late? What'dya mean we're too late?"

You didn't check what time it was before you got here, did you, Stan?

Suddenly, Butters' parents showed up. Why they decided to check out my backyard when searching for their son, I had no idea. But they found him. And once they did, they started scolding him as usual.

I could see the guys starting to panic. Except Douchebag, who was calmer than ever for some reason. I laughed loudly as I watched them run home.

"Clyde, it's past your bed time!"

"Okay! Coming, dad!" I said before continuing to laugh.

It was almost time for the final showdown. And all I had to do was to beat Douchebag. With my army of darkness, there was no way I could lose. I was gonna be be victorious!

Or so I thought.

* * *

 _THUD_

…

Ugh…

It hurts.

My back is aching.

It's cold.

The snow is so cold.

The sky isn't any better.

But at least it matches how I'm feeling right now.

In case you haven't realized it yet, I lost.

Despite having a bigger army, I still lost.

And the person who defeated me…

…was none other than Douchebag.

Now I'm laying here in the snow, looking up at the sky.

Cartman kicked me out of my throne room, so I fell and landed here.

That's how it all ended.

Game over.

I can't seem to do anything right. Maybe if I had done something differently, I could've won.

A bigger army.

A stronger boss battle.

I could've even made Craig a level 15 assassin. Why did I only make him level 14 anyway? Or maybe I could've given him powers the others could only wish for.

I _did_ have the Stick of Truth after all, so no one would've been able to say anything against me.

Ugh. Thinking about Craig only makes it hurt even more.

He probably hates me now.

…

Why do I even care what he thinks about me? I've failed a lot of people today, including myself. So why only him?

…

Probably because he's my best friend and barely did anything to help him. If I had helped him more, he probably would've won.

Maybe he would've-

"…?"

Someone's approaching me. I can see a figure in the corner of my eye. Is Douchebag here to finish me off for good?

No, it's even worse than that.

Standing by my side - looking down on me - is the last person I want to see now.

It's Craig. Who else would it be?

He looks like he's been at the store during Black Friday.

And it's my fault this happened to him.

I slowly sit up and look away from him. I'm too ashamed to even look him in the eyes.

 _Sniffle_.

I feel like I'm about to start crying. This sucks.

"I'm not angry"

Blinking, I look up at him. It's like he can read my mind. But I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. He is my best friend, so he's the one who knows me the best.

"You should be. I should've given you better stats. I didn't even fight my own battle. Chef fought in my place. It's my fault we lost…"

"Yeah, it is" he says without hesitating.

Craig is being brutally honest, as usual. No holding back.

"You could've at least pretended to think about it" I mumble.

He shrugs.

"It was your fault. So what? I'm not perfect either"

Oh, that's right. Craig betrayed Cartman to join me. He even fought against Cartman like it was no big deal. It's actually kinda funny now that I think about it.

"Haha, I guess that means we're both assholes then"

For a split second, Craig smiled. I saw it. But I won't bring it up. It will probably ruin the moment.

Suddenly a bright light covers the entire town. The light forces me to close my eyes.

"What the…!?"

I open my eyes to see that the light did nothing. At least not to me. Craig's gaze is focused on the roof of my fortress for some reason. Did something happen up there? Maybe that's where the light came from.

"Seems like it's over" Craig states, which doesn't really make sense to me. What's over?

"Wha-"

Before I can finish asking my question, we hear laughter. And I know who it belongs to.

"Hahaha! Take that, asshole! We control the universe now!" Cartman laughs at me as he holds up the Stick of Truth, pleased that they won the final battle.

"Dude, we're done playing" Stan tells him.

Team Stan and Douchebag are leaving my fortress, probably heading home. For some reason, the princess - Kenny - isn't with them.

"Hey, guys. Next time, try think of a better plan than that Cly-ddish one. Haha!"

Did Cartman just combine my name with _cloddish_?

Then they start walking away with Douchebag quietly following them. Without saying a word, Craig flips Cartman off before shoving his hands into his pockets.

"So what now?" Kyle asks the other three.

"I don't know. A new game maybe" Stan says.

As soon as I can't see or hear them anymore, Butters suddenly runs out of the fortress.

"Fellas!" he calls for them as he tries to catch his breath. "We were thinking about - Huff - playing as heroes!".

Craig and I watch as Butters tries to catch up to Team Stan and Douchebag. It will probably take a while. He looks dead tired.

Heroes?

Suddenly, Craig reaches his hand out to me, offering to help me up.

"Let's go" he says.

I hesitate for a second, but ends up taking his hand. He pulls me up from the ground and starts walking towards my house.

"Where are we going?"

"Inside. If we're going to play superheroes, someone needs to help you with those wings"

Oh, he's talking about the wings for my superhero costume - Mosquito. Should I even play? What if Douchebag joins too and beats me up again?

I've already been humiliated twice. I don't need it to happen a third time.

As Craig opens the backdoor to my house, I say "Hey Craig?"

He stops walking and looks at me "What?"

"If we play as superheroes, we'll be on the same team, right?"

At first, Craig doesn't say anything. He just looks at me.

"…"

Craig looks away from me. As he looks away from me, I notice something odd. His cheeks are slightly red. Why? It's not that cold outside.

"Yeah"

He actually wants to team up again. Wow. For some reason, I'm happy about that. Even though he's probably just saying that so I won't start crying,

"Great! You can be my sidekick!"

"Don't push it"

* * *

 ** _A/N; And that's the end. I might consider writing Craig's version of the story, but for now, this is it. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the story ^^_**


End file.
